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“Wow,” Lolegolas said. “Another sword, huh?”

Throgg looked up from where he’d been busily grooming his monobrow with his tongue. “What you mean, little belfling?”

“You have a different sword again,” Lolegolas said. He tossed his flowing locks over his shoulder, revealing the glittering perfection of his chest. “You just had Kliklak’s and now … this.”

“Ah, yes,” Throgg grunted. “It is sword with Mastery on it, as stat. Since it no longer part of talents, I thought it must be very important to have on sword. The Poisonfire Greatsword has much Mastery! Make Throgg strong!”

“Hm, of course,” Lolegolas said. “I will say that this sword seems rather magnificent. It appeals to my more savage aesthetic. It’s all rough and course and manly.”

“Right,” Throgg said. “I got it for infiltrating a camp in the beta. Throgg is very clever, and was given the Poisonfire Greatsword as a reward.”

“Do you remember anything about the lore of the quest?” Lolegolas asked. The roleplayer in him was coming out, and the blood elf was getting very excited.

Throgg’s unibrow furrowed in confusion. “Lore? What? “

“You know,” the blonde replied. “The lore. The story.”

“Story is,” Throgg answered with finality, “I got this awesome sword.”

Name Poisonfire Greatsword
Type Two-hand sword
Damage 738 – 1108; Speed 3.30; ; DPS 279.6
Attributes

• 152 Strength
• 228 Stamina
• Increase your Mastery rating by 152

How to get it It’s a quest item in Cataclysm. You must handle the Flames from Above.
How to get rid of it It sells for 7 gold, 80 silver. Not sure on the disenchants yet.

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Poisonfire Greatsword originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 16 Jul 2010 23:59:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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“Little elf,” Throgg asked. “What do you think of these?” Throgg held his massive forearms aloft, showing them off to his diminuitive companion.

“Wow,” Lolegolas said. His face lit up in an eager smile. “Those are awesome. What are they?”

“They are,” Throgg said with a steady cadence, “The Best. Bracers. Ever.“

“I can believe it!” Lolegolas replied. He shuffled his shoulder so that a flowing cascade of hair rippled over his shoulder like homespun gold. “What are they called?”

“The Best. Bracers. Ever.”

“But … the name, Throgg.” Lolegolas’s face grew a little dark as he frowned. “I need the name. Otherwise, I’ll never be able to look them up on a reputable website like WoW.com, and find out how to get them for my-elf.”

“They are the Best. Bracers. Ever. Me not know how to tell you no more than that! Best. Bracers. Ever. come from Cataclysm!“

“You make my head hurt, you know that, right?” Lolegolas asked.

“That would make that the Best. Headache. Ever!”

Name Best. Bracers. Ever.
Type Bracers
Armor 20
Attributes

• 1 Stamina

How to get it It’s a quest item in Cataclysm. You must involve yourself with the Biggest Egg Ever.
How to get rid of it It sells for 34 copper. Not sure on the disenchants yet.

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Best. Bracers. Ever. originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 09 Jul 2010 23:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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“So, uh, Throgg?” Lolegolas asked in a quiet tone of voice. “I’m not exactly sure how to ask this, but I thought I’d put it right out there. You know, pick it up, toss it back, whatever, but I wanted to ask.”

“What up, little belfling?” Throgg encouraged. The orc death knight flexed mightily, wielding his massive sword like other men held limp noodles. “I am busy using my immense weapon as weight for better curls.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of what it’s about, man,” Lolegolas said. “What happened to Shadowmourne, exactly? You got the last shard over me, and I’d kind of like to know where the bloody axe went.”

Throgg laughed. “Oh, that old thing? I replaced it with this baby from the beta. This is Kliklak’s Fearsome Greatsword. Isn’t it fierce? Isn’t it great?”

Lolegolas took a deep breath. “Shadowmourne, man. What happened to it?”

“Oh, that old thing? I vendored it for 50 gold. This quest drop has more damage and stamina.”

“But … but … the proc!” Lolegolas gasped in shock, as if someone had just told him that hair product could decrease the size of your pecs. “The proc was gorgeous! And the sockets!”

“Hard to manage,” Throgg said. “This way, I can spam Mortal Strike all day long and not worry.”

“You understand,” Lolegolas said. “I’m going to kill you now.”

“I understand,” Throgg replied.

Name Kliklak’s Fearsome Greatsword
Type Two-Handed Sword; Speed 3.50
Damage 1007 – 1511 Damage, 359.7 damage per second
Attributes

• 171 Strength
• 257 Stamina
• Improve critical strike rating by 114

How to get it It’s a quest item in Cataclysm. Pretty awesome, huh?
How to get rid of it It sells for 22 gold, 60 silver and 79 copper. Not sure on the disenchants yet.

Update: Stats fixed. Sorry about that!

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Kliklak’s Fearsome Greatsword originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 02 Jul 2010 22:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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“Dude, that’s women’s underwear,” Throgg said. The orc rolled his massive shoulders and furrowed his ungroomed, thick unibrow. Lolegolas couldn’t imagine a more perfect look for the death knight. Unibrow, drooling, and hunched over. If it weren’t for the gloves Throgg wore, his knuckles would constantly bleed from scraping the ground. “That’s for girls.”

Lolegolas sighed. “No, Throgg. I’m sorry, I used too many syllables on you at once. I have a brazier. The Brazier of Dancing Flames, actually. It is in no way related to underwear.”

“Then, if you’re so smart, what does it do?”

“It’s actually quite nice,” Lolegolas said. “It summons a tiny elemental spirit which will perform the dance of midsummer. If you mimic that behavior, you will momentarily be transformed into a similar — but larger! — spirit, to join it in its revelry. It will also bow in return to you, if you bow to it. Things like that.”

“What you look like when changed, little blood elf?” Throgg questioned.

“Well,” sighed Lolegolas. “A flaming draenei woman, actually.”

“Why do you want to look like space goat?”

“Look!” Lolegolas. “It’s perfectly okay if someone just wants to feel pretty before entering a raid. And, besides, it’s about celebrating Midsummer Fire Festival!”

Name: Brazier of Dancing Flame
Type: Inventory item
Attributes: Place a brazier upon the ground, where the little burning spirit will show up.
How to get it: Complete sufficient Midsummer Fire Festival activities to buy one for 350 Burning Blossoms.
How to get rid of it: You could delete it; but after all that work, you probably won’t want to do so.

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Brazier of Dancing Flames originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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With Cataclysm lurking around the corner like a cat eager for tuna, it’s time to take a gentle stroll back to loots of yesteryear. The loots you got in the first raids, even before Karazhan. Loots that drop from elder gods, who you slayed with nothing but your determination, your wits and a faint desire to chase night elves around Stormwind. And so, gentle reader, I introduce to you the Vanquished Tentacle of C’thun.

There were probably combat applications for the Vanquished Tentacle back in the day. Like, it summoned a tentacle that would fight for you and stuff. But nowadays, I mostly see it used by blood elves in Silvermoon for roleplay. (Look, I’m not judging, I’m just saying.) The tentacle that is summoned is large and green and longer than your average tentacle. The truth is that if you’re looking to play a warlock in touch with insane elder gods, you could do worse than to use the Vanquished Tentacle as a roleplay prop.

Or you could drape yourself in the blood of Yogg-Saron, but who would be dumb enough to do that?

Name Vanquished Tentacle of C’Thun
Type Trinket
Attributes Summons a Vanquished Tentacle to your aid for 30 sec. (3 Min Cooldown)
How to get it Kill an Elder God. It used to take about 40 people, but you can do it with a handful nowadays. I’ve not yet heard of anyone soloing it, though.
How to get rid of it It sells to 10 gold. I’d have thought one’s sanity worth more than that.

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Vanquished Tentacle of C’Thun originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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There’s a secret technique among the Alliance. The Horde are brilliant tacticians, perhaps, but they lack the knowledge, skill and ferocity to understand this technique. I, myself, only learned about it when preparing to join a PUG in Icecrown Citadel. A stalwart gnome would be our tank that night. His hair was styled like the blood of blood elves; this is to say, it was a very bright hot pink. He had a mohawk. His eyes twinkled with the kind of warrior fierceness usually reserved for forum trolls and Klingons.

“Are you ready?” he asked in a deep, guttural snarl.

“Go go go go go go go go,” the warlock drooled, “go go go go go already god go go.”

“All right, then!” the tank answered. He stomped his little foot as if he were angry and disappeared in a puff of smoke. In his place stood an immense furbolg, its fur matted with the blood of farmed creatures, its teeth dripping with spit and slime.

“Good Elune!” I gasped. “How on earth did you do that?”

The furbolg whirled on me. Its massive pecs twitched like a 5-year-old eager to get to the cake. “What, this? Oh, it’s a bag item from that quest in Ashenvale. Just don’t complete the quest. It’s awesome.”

“Go go go go go go,” the warlock agreed.

With that, the furbolg whirled about and led us into battle. It was only then that I saw his hindquarters. He was wearing only a thong. The mental scars I got in Icecrown Citadel that night will stay with me forever.

Name Dartol’s Rod of Transformation
Type Inventory item
Attributes Turns you into a Furbolg.
How to get it You get it when you complete this step of Raene’s Cleansing. Only Alliance can do this.
How to get rid of it You lose it when you turn in this step of Raene’s Cleansing. Don’t do it!

Edit : According to several commenters, you now get to keep the rod even if you complete the quests. Awesome!

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Dartol’s Rod of Transformation originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 04 Jun 2010 19:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Usually, I try to make Phat Loot Phriday a relatively light-hearted, goofy column. It’s a little way of relaxing at the end of a week. It’s the nice, cold beer I pop open after a busy week of blogging. This is not the case today.

This weekend is America’s Memorial Day. It is a day during which we remember and pay homage to the men and women of America’s fighting forces who gave their lives in service to our country. I often feel like many people pay lip service to the phrase, “Thank you for your service to our country,” and just kind of nod to Memorial Day as they fire up the BBQ. Years ago, however, I had the honor of attending a good man’s funeral at Arlington National Cemetery. He’d served in Korea; he never talked about it, but we all knew it. I had nothing but respect and admiration for the man. As I stood in Arlington while he was being set to rest among his peers and fellows, I was struck by the raw history and impact of that place. It’s never left me. There are heroes, and they deserve our respect and memory.

For all the meaningless nod that it is, then, today’s Phat Loot Phriday is the Girdle of Eternal Memory. This is the reward you receive after returning Crusader Bridenbrad’s Tabard to Tirion Fordring. When Tirion hears about Bridenbard’s sacrifice and his ultimate fate, he says the words I hope we all remember as we begin this Memorial Day weekend:

“We shall take heart in his shining example and in your selflessness. Thank you for all that you have done.”

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Girdle of Eternal Memory originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 28 May 2010 15:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Bah, weapons! Who needs ‘em? Armor? For sissies! Real soldiers enter battle in nothing but a Sleeveless T-Shirt! The last time we featured a shirt on Phat Loot Phriday, we took a look at Precious’s Ribbon from Icecrown Citadel. It’s a great shirt … if you want to win a prize for biggest pansy. If you’re truly a badass, nothing less than the Sleeveless T-Shirt can contain all your awesomeness. Fine, it probably isn’t the smartest thing to wade into battle wearing just a Sleeveless T-Shirt, but you’ll be sure to inspire more than a few gasps and maybe even make some enemies drop their weapons and flee your bodaciousness. But don’t count on it.

Name Sleeveless T-Shirt
Type Shirt
Attributes

• has no sleeves (obviously)
• has flavor text
• has the distinction of being the only shirt in the game to be stealthily upgraded from poor (gray) quality to common (white). That’s right, even the developers thought the shirt was so badass they decided to change the item quality in Patch 3.3.3!

Continue reading Phat Loot Phriday: Sleeveless T-Shirt

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, PvP, Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: Sleeveless T-Shirt originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 21 May 2010 17:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Dear Diary,

I’ve found it! I’ve finally found it! After all this time, I have finally found that which will free me from their taunts and jeers. After the dark lady fell, I found it in her remains. Perfectly shaped and symmetrical, its power could be felt coursing through it. The staff looked as though it were constructed from bone and sinew and as I caressed its curves, I could hear his voice. The fallen king promised power beyond my dreams, but I knew they were empty promises. I will bend the power to my will; I will harness all it has to give and make it my own!.

They all laughed before, scoffed at me and made fun of me. But not this time! They will rue the day they ever crossed paths with me. This time the blue ribbon for the Dalaran pet contest will be mine, all mine! Who needs cats and dogs when you have an undead harbinger to do your bidding?

Continue reading Phat Loot Phriday: Nibelung

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Phat Loot Phriday: Nibelung originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 14 May 2010 13:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The fire elemental was lurking around Frank’s camp. And by “lurking,” I meant smashing things to bits and screaming “wakka wakka” at the top of its lungs. I think it was doing some kind of a Fozzie the Bear impression. Or maybe an impression of Pac-Man. I don’t know.

The fire elemental was about three foot tall. That doesn’t sound like it’s very big until you remember the functional part of a fire elemental. That functional part, you see, is that it’s frickin’ made of fire. Have you ever tried to punch fire? Yeah, your hand passes right through and the best you can hope for is some singed hair and maybe some burns.

So we were at a loss about what to do. I seem to remember cursing and swearing like this would end in some kind of Cataclysm. Frank didn’t care. but Frank was pretty drunk. He’s a goblin, you see, and is thus given to the occasional spirit now and again.

“I got something right here,” Frank said. “Just you wait and see.”

So, I waited to see. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a little afraid of Frank. Sure, the Horde’s made up of big tough guys like orcs and tauren. They’re all “smash, raur, look at our bulging biceps and inability to stand up straight!” But goblins? Goblins don’t look like they’re trying to look tough. They look like a shiv in the shower, like something that’s wondering how your heart tastes. They’re not looking tough; they’ll just kill you and move on with business.

Which is why I was little surprised when Frank busted out The Fire Extinguisher.

“Seriously?” I asked. “You kept that?”

“Nothing better for killing fires,” Frank said. “It has a handle so you can keep your distance.”

“It’s a vanity quest reward,” I responded. “It’s worth 15 gold to a vendor, doesn’t even count as a melee weapon, and is just the product of some kind of Blizzard in-joke.”

“Yeah, well,” Frank said, clearly upset. “So’s your face!”

“There’s even better options for levelling,” I said. “Really, it’s 15 gold in stick form. Just sell it.”

Name: The Fire Extinguisher
Type: Two Hand. Nope, not a Two Hand Mace, or Sword, or even Two Hand Dog. Just, Two Hand. It’s a Two Hand.
Damage: 187 – 352 damage, 86.9 DPS
Speed: 3.10
Flavor Text: “Guaranteed to extinguish the fire, and everything else.”
How to get it: Complete This Just In: Fire Still Hot. And, after renewing the world’s knowledge that fire burns, you get a useless stick called The Fire Extinguisher.
How to get rid of it: Love of god, sell the thing and get 15 gold, 27 silver, and 86 copper.

Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

Phat Loot Phriday: The Fire Extinguisher originally appeared on WoW.com on Fri, 07 May 2010 18:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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